Thursday, February 14, 2008

black thursday: Refrigerator of Wuv...

Get some tips on your romantic game this Valentine's Day by consulting the random smartass non sequitur wisdom of the Refrigerator of Wuv.

* Black Thursday afternoon... User feedback reveals that the Refrigerator is not happily compatible with IE on Windows. The QA department will get a serious talking-to...

First, visit the Refrigerator. Then, think of the object of your desire.

* Note that scientifically selected audio stimulus is provided to help you with this, so don those headphones or adjust your volume accordingly.

Picture your promised one...

That boy you followed around Trader Joe's on Sunday...

That matchelorette, you know the one, she's looking for a "partner in crime," the one who likes staying in as much as going out? Yeah, that's the one...

The "party of the first part" in that restraining order you keep close to your heart...

Now, focus on the conjured visage of your adored. See the eyes, hear the laughter, and breathe deeply of that singular—some might say, peculiar—aroma of your beloved...

There, just like that...

Now, with your king or queen perfectly envisioned...

Whang your head mightily into the handle of the freezer door!

Once you regain consciousness, marvel at how the refrigerator's words have rearranged themselves to reveal a hidden truth of your intended's thoughts and feelings, your own subconscious, your relationship, and even the prospects of your future together.

For more enlightenment, repeat, ad lib, and fade.

Then go and cry yourself to sleep.

Happy Frickin Valentine's Day!

Keep on peepin on~

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