if you're moving from Cambridge to Cambridge...

... and you want a new muthaf@ckin visitor parking permit, you better muthaf@ckin make sure that you muthaf@ckin got the OLD one, cuz if you dont' muthaf@ckin got it, you gonna muthaf@ckin GET it, and good!

It'll cost you 25 bucks to get the new permit, for a new address in Cambridge, if you can't produce the old permit. Which means... You can't be going thru your stuff while you're packing and moving, always looking to lighten your load, come across your guest pass for the old address, and say ask yourself, "Do I need to hold onto this permit? It's no good at the new address... I'm gonna hafta buy a new one anyway! Time to find out what a Cambridge Visitor Parking Permit sounds like when it's shredded! Whee!"

Nope. You do not want to be doing that.

Cuz you'll get to the Cambridge City Hall Annex, produce your updated registration and a utility bill for the new address, explain how you're moving from one address in Cambridge to another address in Cambridge, have the guy behind the window ask you, "Why do you want to buy a new parking permit?" explain that you just want a new guest pass, but figured that a new registration would require a new permit, too, and hey, the guest pass comes WITH the permit for eight dollars. I'll have yet another sticker darkening my back seat, but hey, I needs to park my jalopy. I can deal.

And the fellow behind the window says, "You don't need to buy a new permit. You'll just buy a new visitor permit. Do you have the old visitor permit?" I tell him, "I do not. Do you need it?" Why? I've given him my registration and a utility bill and he's found me in The System, why should he need the old permit?

He tells me, "You have to turn in the old permit to buy the new one, or else you buy a replacement and that is 25 dollars."

Errrr...

"But if I had said I want to buy a new parking permit and visitor pass at my new address, together that would've been eight dollars?"

"But you are already in The System. If you have the old permit, you should bring it back and then you can have the new one for eight dollars."

At this point, I gather my proof of Cambridge existence and abort. I retreat to the lobby area to cellularly confer w my sister and Rowan. They're gonna be staying at the new address from tonight on and will need some kind of permit to park there Cambridge-legally overnight.

It's 4.45pm. 15 minutes til the Annex service windows close for the day.

I didn't shred the permit. It's with my sister's car. And it turns out my sister's car is many miles away at this time, 15 minutes til the Annex service windows close for the day.

I explain the wtf and we decide to suck it up. I get back in line, get called up to a different window. I explain to the guy wtf. Also, "I had a check ready for the eight dollars thinking that that's all I'd need to pay for the pass. Can you accept that and the difference in cash?"

"No. The System won't let us process payment in parts."

Grrrrr...

"Right." I tear up the check. I even had $17 in exact bills. *sigh*

The guy's tapping away at the computer. "You don't have the old guest permit?"

"I can't get to it now, no."

"Well, don't try and use it. Tear it up, because it's been cancelled."

If I was really and truly That Guy that the neighbors describe after the fact as a "quiet fellow, kept mostly to himself," right about then is when I would've smashed through the plexiglass window, reached through the frame, clenched my thumb and first two fingers behind the man's trachea, and jerked it loose from his skeleton. After that I would've jumped completely thru the window and taken those cute little miniature traffic signs they keep on top of their cubicle dividers and stabbed each of the other works in the eyes with them. Maybe after I settled down and caught my breath a bit, I would've enjoyed inflating the man's torso by blowing into the tube lolling out of his neck. That might've made me feel a little better...

Do you get that? He cancelled my old permit. Anyone behind those windows at one of those computers can CANCEL an old permit whenever they wish. Apparently they only wish to do it after I pay $17 more than I should have to.

Bleah.

I should've known. If I'd paid closer attention to the directions... If I'd thought it through, I would've known. I made a couple assumptions, read thru the helpful permit requirements online, and just didn't think it through... The System.

Feckall. After the scavenger hunt craziness I went thru to get my permit renewed earlier this year, I thought I'd be on top of all this—update my registration, have a utility bill at the new address ready, a check (or money order according to the site, but it turns out cash works fine...). I thought I'd studied up for this one. Turns out my notes were for the wrong class.

Bleah.

He CANCELLED it! Just sitting there, tapping at the keyboard, thinking about boobies and his +4 mace... and then took my money...

Bleah.

Keep on keepin on~